Phillip Morris: A Loving Hate Note

Our favorite guest blogger, Jason Carfagno, sends his “love” to Phillip Morris….
Dear I Love You Philip Morris:

I hate you. I hate you because of what you could have been, not what you are.

You could have been Jim Carrey’s shot at proving he still has it. That he doesn’t need to become Adam Sandler, a sellout in the name of the dollar sign, rather then a comedic actor who still has some chops. I know that Jim Carey did Ace Ventura,Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls and The Mask, I know this Phillip Morris. But those were comedies of the time, they weren’t latter-day Sandler ‘my kids need a new pool’ pieces like Funny People and Grown Ups.  Phillip, I wish you would’ve let Carrey’s comedic timing and dramatic overtones (playing a man dying of AIDS at one point) shine. Instead you dashed out Carrey’s best, with one of Ewan McGregor’s worst.

Phillip, I’m afraid for Ewan McGregor. I’m afraid that he can’t live up to the expectations I set for him in my own mind. I’m afraid that after his impressive performance in Tim Burton’s last good movie, Big Fish, that he’s peaked. Personally Philip, I don’t see how McGregor can best his own performance as Young Edward Bloom. He hasn’t done anything that impressive since, and I doubt that he truly ever will.

Your writing, did you no favors, Philip Morris. I would never have guessed that your writers are the same ones that gave me Bad Santa. While Bad Santa is now a Christmas classic for me, Philip, I’ll probably never watch you again. I’m sorry Philip Morris. I’m truly sorry.

In the long run Philip, what really caused all of this, was your lack of commitment. I couldn’t tell if you were committing to a comedy about a con man who happened to be gay, or a drama about a gay man who happened to be a con artist. Your overall narrative and story were weak. Perhaps it’s the source material, since you claim to be based off a true story, but still it’s unforgivable.

If I’m grading you, I’m saying skip this one.

Sorry Philip Morris, you just didn’t make the cut.



Check out more of Jason’s writing here.